I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
