I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
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I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
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Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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