I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
