Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
