proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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