Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's never too late to be topless.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
