My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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