Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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