im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
