I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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