So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
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I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
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Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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