Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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