Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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