Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
