Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
