Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
