And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
