i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Oh god it's open bar.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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