my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
