he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
