Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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