I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
