im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
