I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
