this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
