you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
