i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
