Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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