the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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