6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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