Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
