Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
