If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
