that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
