Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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