Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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