i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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