hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
