I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Randomize
