I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
