Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
