She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
