How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
