and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
