I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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