Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
