We're facebook friends in real life
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
