If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
