My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
