Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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