Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
