We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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