You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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