So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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