I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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