I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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