She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
