I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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