Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
