I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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