4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
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Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
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True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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