I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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