I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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