Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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