even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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