p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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