so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
