my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
