Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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