I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
