i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
